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Bill Maher Nails It 03 May 2009

Posted by Jessa in Humor, Religion, Science.
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On last Friday’s episode of his show Real Time, Bill Maher urges Creationists to put their money where their mouth is:

Absolutely.

If you believe that evolution is untrue, you’ll stay away from modern medicine, since it is based on the theory of evolution.  Don’t rail as loudly as you can against science and then scurry to the doctor or pharmacy when you get the sniffles.

This Week in Stupidity 22 Mar 2009

Posted by Jessa in Atheism, Humor, Religion.
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And the winner is….Pastor Chris Fox of Kendalls Baptist Church in New London, NC.

He tried to pull a reverse-Poe at a blog written and read by atheists.  Hilarity ensued.

PROTIP:  You will get caught if you Lie for Jesus.

On a related note, lolcats nail it:

“There’s Obviously a Difference in Opinion” 21 Feb 2009

Posted by Jessa in Humor, Money.
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It looks like a few Verizon employees need a remedial lesson in math:

I found it amusing (and also a bit pathetic) that the manager didn’t even get it when the guy tried to explain it step-by-step:

Caller: Do you recognize there’s a difference between one dollar and one cent?

Manager: Definitely.

Caller: Do you recognize there’s a difference between half a dollar and half a cent?

Manager: Definitely.

Caller: Do you therefore recognize that there’s a difference between .002 dollars and .002 cents?

Manager: …No.

Wow.   I also loved how the manager stated, “There’s obviously a difference in opinion.”  Um, no.  It’s math.  It’s not subject to opinion.  It’s not like 2+2=4, except on alternate Thursdays.  A value in dollars is not the same as the identical value in cents. Case closed.

I wonder if Verizon would appreciate it if their customers made the same mistake in reverse.

Rush Limbaugh: n00b 18 Feb 2009

Posted by Jessa in Humor, Politics.
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Oh, Rush.  You never cease to amuse me.  When you’re not popping Oxycontin or Viagra, you’re proving that you don’t know how to use The Computer-Thingy:

LIMBAUGH: In addition, they have reformatted the bill — they’ve made it a PDF file when they posted it. Now, for those of you that don’t use computers, basically what that means is that it cannot be keyword searched. A PDF file is essentially a picture of a page. And, so, you can read every page, but you cannot keyword search it. It’s not a text file as legislation normally is as posted on these public websites. They don’t want anybody knowing what’s in this; they want it happening as fast as possible so nobody can know what’s in it.

That’s right – he doesn’t know how to search a PDF. Never mind the little binoculars featured prominently on the toolbar.  Or Ctrl-F (cloverleaf-F for the Mac weirdos).  Yep. he’s a computer genius.

God Upset at Kentucky Legislators 08 Dec 2008

Posted by Jessa in Humor, Religion.
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In a stunning move, the Almighty Creator of the Universe broke His millennia-old silence to speak out against a piece of Kentucky legislation that appears to require Him to protect their state.

At issue is a 2006 law which states that the state Office of Homeland Security’s initial duty is “stressing the dependence on Almighty God as being vital to the security of the Commonwealth.”  In addition, the legislation requires the posting of a plaque at the entrance to the state Emergency Operations Center that begins, “The safety and security of the Commonwealth cannot be achieved apart from reliance upon Almighty God.”

When asked for comment, God replied, “Well, seeing as I’m omnipotent, I was already protecting them.  But to require me to protect them by legislation?  Who do they think they are?  I created them. They’ve got some nerve thinking they can tell me what to do.”

Ironically, the Almighty supports the actions of the American Atheists in their attempt to remove references to Him from the legislation.  “While I obviously take issue with their belief that I don’t exist,” God stated, ” I appreciate their efforts to take my name off this ridiculous law.

“After all, if a terrorist attack were to happen in Kentucky, I could technically be charged with breaking the law.  I’m too busy with, you know, keeping the universe running – I don’t want to get bogged down in a lawsuit.  Especially in Kentucky.”

Just Ask Jesus 11 Sep 2008

Posted by Jessa in Humor.
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I didn’t realize he had a website.  Good to know.

An AFA-Approved Greeting Card 07 Sep 2008

Posted by Jessa in Humor.
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Since the American “Family” Association got its knickers in a knot over the decision by Hallmark to produce a line of gay-friendly greeting cards, I thought I’d throw them a bone by making a card just for them:

Inside text: Oops! The auto-replace went a bit out of control.

Stimulus Package Causes Increase in Package Stimulus 06 Jul 2008

Posted by Jessa in Humor, Politics.
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An amusing result of those $600 stimulus checks: it appears that they have led to an increase in online porn usage:

An unforeseen and surprising beneficiary of the Economic Stimulus Plan, a plan that George Bush contends will “boost our economy and encourage job creation,” has surfaced this week. An independent market-research firm, AIMRCo (Adult Internet Market Research Company), has discovered that many websites focused on adult or erotic material have experienced an upswing in sales in the recent weeks since checks have appeared in millions of Americans’ mailboxes across the country.

According to Kirk Mishkin, Head Research Consultant for AIMRCo, “Many of the sites we surveyed have reported 20-30% growth in membership rates since mid-May when the checks were first sent out, and typically the summer is a slow period for this market.”

And it apparently is no coincidence:

Jillian Fox, spokeswoman for LSGmodels.com, one of the sites reporting figures to AIMRCo, added, “In a June 15, 2008 survey to our members, thirty two percent of respondents referenced the recent stimulus package as part of their decision to either become a new member, or renew an existing membership.”

I wonder how Dubya and his religious-right supporters feel about this interesting development.  It does bring a new level of hilarity to the term economic “stimulus”. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)

NC Recalls “WTF” Plates 25 Jun 2008

Posted by Jessa in Humor.
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I was wondering when someone would clue the DMV into it…

RALEIGH, N.C. — Thanks to some text message-savvy grandchildren, North Carolina drivers whose license plates have the potentially offensive “WTF” letter combination can replace the tags for free.

The News & Observer of Raleigh reported Tuesday the state Division of Motor Vehicles has notified nearly 10,000 holders of license plates with the letter combination. Officials learned last year the common acronym stands for a vulgar phrase in e-mail and cell phone text messages.

But this week, the DMV officials got another surprise when they learned the same letters appeared on the agency’s own Web site on a sample personalized plate.

“I can’t believe it,” DMV Commissioner Bill Gore said Monday when told about the online glitch. “Obviously, I didn’t know it was there.”

Officials are working to remove the sample plate.

The “WTF-5505” used on the Web site’s sample plate was the first random letter combination available when DMV switched from blue- to red-lettered plates, officials said. DMV spokeswoman Marge Howell received a sample plate WTF-5506 to use as a prop for news stories about the switch.

A 60-year-old technology teacher from Fayetteville complained about the plate last July after her teenage grandchildren clued her in.

If I had one of those plates, I would keep it.

Watch Out, Astronomy. You’re Next. 22 Jun 2008

Posted by Jessa in Humor, Non-Science.
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